The Others…

When we go out, out of our home, school, college or whatever is our comfort zone, we reach the zone of ‘The Others’.

Whenever there are unfamiliar people around us, we are in the zone of others. This zone makes it’s first appearance the day we enter this world. Initially it envisages the whole world…from our parents to everything except us. Then gradually the zone starts shrinking.

We become comfortable with our parents, our nanny…slowly slowly the comfort zone of expands to our siblings and a few uncles and aunts. Then we enter the play stage where we gain a few others friends entering our lives from the ‘others’ zone. A few people keep on crossing the path, yet the zone of ‘the others’ remains bigger and stronger than the comfort zone.

While we are learning how to make friends, we are learning what the ‘Appropriate ways’ of behaving name it mannerisms or etiquette. The times passes by while many things are gushed upon us by the society which includes what are we expected to do, how are we expected to behave, who are we expected  to be with and the list continues.

We grow up and so does the list continues, it brings people within our comfort zones and deletes a good few too. The more we learn that how are we ‘expected’ to be, the more difficult the zone of the ‘the others’ begin. We eat, sleep, drink, write and eventually ‘Think’ the way we are ‘Expected’ to.

This anticipation is what acts as a trauma of our generation and perhaps the generation before us as well. The trauma which has transformed our thinking pattern and it now only takes the route which is the ‘Right route’. Now, our cognition is programmed to work in the direction that is already encrypted by the society. Our physical actions are in the zone of ‘the others’ when we’re around strange faces, but our cognition is in a constant state of flux and distress. Flux i.e. whether to approach a situation the way we want to or not? Distress because we won’t choose any way which is different from the one prescribed by the norms.

How traumatic this constant pressure is… excruciating the soul and the mind, while the body appears perfectly apposite and tranquil. This zone of ‘The others’ has captured not only our mental stability but also the innovation and creativity which every soul possesses.

We can’t wear, eat, sleep and “Live” in a way which is not stipulated by the norms. I don’t say that we should defy the norms, but I firmly believe that to live a “Free Life” we ought to let the mental processes float beyond the imaginary boundaries of the society. Only that way we shall progress, prosper and actually attain Freedom!

 

Broken!

Have you ever had a friend with whom you can share everything…your cries, convictions, opinions, grief or simply opened your heart out to this friend? Well, if the answer is yes, you’re lucky and if not then you’re wise!
Some might call it harsh luck and others might say it’s a flaw, but I have never had ‘close friends’. Further elaborating ‘close’; it implies friends close enough to share genuine thoughts with without a fear of distrust or betrayal, intimate enough to read your eyes without provoking tears and cherished enough to be missed at every single moment spent without them.
The thought of having a friend with the adjectives aforementioned appears quite vague and unrealistic to me, may be because I have never had an encounter with a friend forever. The idea appears amazing to find someone and make a bond which is beyond your age group, gender, class or ethnicity and give it a minimal name ‘best friend’, but it’s also as improbable for me as astonishing it may appears to others. Friendship has a different measurement scale for everyone, some might term acquaintance as friends or some might take years to consider someone a friend. I may hangout with many and term them as pals, but when it comes to my core persona…no one knows about it. I never share my secrets or my true feelings with anyone, call me an introvert or a psychic but I just can’t trust or divulge!
I admit that occasionally while sipping my coffee alone or trying to gulp the bland noodles, I do reckon that I have no friends to share my tasteless noodles with. The reason could be my ego, rudeness or something unknown. Oh! Firstly clarifying this doesn’t mean that I have never had friends at all, I have had many and I still have many too but either my friendships break a little too early or they are just fake Hi’s Hello’s as I perceive it. Coming back to the original topic, yes! Neither do I believe in the friends forever jingles nor do I sing them.
A month to a year, that’s the maximum time I maintain my friendships with someone. After that, something out of my control happens which I may term as heavenly and we break it up. This sad ending is never a fight or a quarrel rather it’s an ending of an era with a reversal of time. Reversal of time can be explained as the process in which friends become strangers!
Once the friendship has ended, we might walk by each other but never walk together, we might stand next to each other but never stand by and we might sit next to each other but never rest upon. But the query which bothers me is did we actually stand by each other before this ended? Were those secrets which were blurted out after the friendship, ever secure? Were those thoughts made fun of later, ever truly appreciated? And were they actually ill the day when I confronted my weaknesses in front of everyone? These questions might appear vague or improbable but I still suggest why take a risk? Why risk your emotions and convictions to an unknown when you know that the pressure of regret will be intolerable? Why open your heart to someone who can’t save it from the maggots waiting to invade it?
You might be a lucky one to find the pearl in the sea but what if you’re just another average one? Will you risk your emotions when the cost of losing trust and confidence clearly over weighs the benefits of a best friend?
If the answer is still yes, then in your dictionary wisdom is surely over ruled by that tiny bloody piece of flesh called heart!

Inability to Live!

When I go to a local market or a nearby restaurant I sometimes encounter my past. Yes! No matter how weird it seems I come across my past many times. Past, by past I mean the younger me, a 14 15 year old girl with an amateur and conscious personality. She could not understand the weird forces of the society which imposed certain personality qualities on her. The society imposed her to follow some strictly framed stringent rules as soon as she turned 15. Those petty colored dresses, pink rubber bands, gentle ways of communication etc. were not something she appreciated. She didn’t want to get out of her naïve attitude and camouflage herself in a well dressed innocent ‘beauty’. The concept of decency and feminine manners appeared lame to her.

Another shocking part of her life also began as soon as she entered puberty. Suddenly the world seemed to change. The faces around her were the same but their attitudes towards her changed. Those uncles who blessed her with their fatherly blessings unexpectedly started avoiding her. The outdoor activities which were a part of her daily routine vanished from her lifestyle taking away another portion of her freedom. The freedom to go on the streets seemed to fumble as well. She couldn’t enjoy the cool breeze outside her house, those weary brisk walks in the park nearby or simple rounds at the local general stores; couldn’t do it anymore, as people around her stared at her as if she was an ‘Alien’ with yellow feathers and head antennas. She wondered and wandered in her own thoughts that why people teased her for her mere presence sometimes.

Those scary looks by strangers sometimes made her heartbeat faster than a squash ball thumping the wall, snatching away a portion of her confidence from her. When fast bikes took over her with creepy guys making their faces creepier, she literally used to run to her house, losing another bit of her self-belief. Certain comments which made her feel uncomfortable with her own existence, shook off her soul. The crowd always seemed to be looking at her or rather piercing through her. Slowly she lost all of it; the confidence with which we she communicated, the assurance with which she won many small battles and the esteem which she kept her head always high.

Now, when she entered the street or a local eat out place, she could barely maintain her composure. Whether ordering a burger or walking across the road, her body shivered and heart pounded with the fear of an unknown. She preferred being at home and tried not to even go to school. Now even the cool breeze or utter boredom couldn’t force her to get out of her security shelter. When the local kids played cricket or tossed bushes to take some mangoes from the trees, she stayed inside her shell. She became a perfect woman with the perfect blend of inferiority complexes and amateur insecurity. She had the perfect reasons or rather excuses to stay at home all the time. Even the presence of someone else at her home made her hide in her room. The fierce girl with a fantastic bright smile somehow withered away with time and she didn’t even notice.

Then one day, she was with her sister at a hangout place. At that moment, unfamiliar with her own nervousness she chose to eat nothing rather than doing self service for the order. Her sister though silent at that place, pointed her trembling hands and fidgeting fingers later. And it was the first time the young she came across her own camouflaged personality. Why was she shivering? Why couldn’t she simply order her lunch? These questions made her shudder with the fear of realizing her own low self-esteem. The fear of an encounter with her own shattered persona took over her. That day she decided; to never let her existence be the hurdle of her confidence, to consider herself the best out of the lot and to kick the butt of those who lowered her poise. Since that day she never looked down upon herself, never let anyone conquer her dignity away from her and replaced her apprehension with confidence or rather ‘over confidence’.

Now whenever I see a girl sitting on the least visible bench of the park or hiding her face with her meal, it reminds me of myself though the one I was a few years ago…..
I was lucky enough to be pointed out by my sister who may be bumped into her own past when she saw me. But do all these girls have an angelic figure to make them confront their weaknesses? What about those who never reckoned that they were losing their persona in their endeavor to adjust with the norms of the society? And this question is the most horrifying one of them all. The lame norms of the society extract the abilities of these girls and the ones who commit this crime never even realize that they ‘disable’ someone forever. They grant these girls with the disability to never function at their pinnacle because of their lowered self-possession. And those who never realize their disability either live their life in their security shells or keep fighting with their inability to live life!

Clashes!

An appallingly unfriendly, cold, superficial and egoistic individual is the way most of the ‘men’ define me. They think I have a hell lot of attitude and I treat them like ….!
This horrible explanation of course shocks me and provokes me to rectify this crime, which I commit in my every interaction somehow!
So I decided to sincerely appraise the situation!
Skimming through the horrifying memories of the past I realized that almost 99.99999 percent of the times, I had CLASHES! Yes collisions with all the men I ever encountered. But the main issue is why? Why didn’t I end up being their friend just like everyone else?
The first issue could be that I’m a huge fan of a Feminist’s approach. May be I, implying a lot of modernist’s theories on men and when not getting the satisfactory response end up fighting. But when I intensely analyzed the situation, I found that it was not a true justification. Since I never implied my theories to my professional meetings. Though it doesn’t lower the theories’ merit or their status rather I never mix my professionalism with sentimentalism.
The second point could be that I was innately rude with an inborn attitude issue. Though the latter could be true but innate impertinence should have hurdled my friendships with anyone, isn’t it? And if that’s the case then it would be a ‘hasty generalization’ since I have a wholesome number of ‘female friends’ who find me superbly affable. Thus, this assumption could be easily negated.
Then as a student who has taken ‘human behavior’, my utmost duty is to examine this phenomenon a little more deeply. And after reviewing many hypothesis lets examine the premises through ‘social psychology’s perspective’.
Before getting to the premises I must define myself as a person first. As a girl I have always been accused of being tomboyish because of my unethical attitude with the color pink. My self-confidence has been misconstrued as over confidence because I never compromise on my rules and limits. And additionally others have acclaimed me as an egoistic woman because I believe in not accepting the mistakes I never committed!
After considering all the above attributes ‘social psychology’ explains my conflicts with the opposite sex as “Ego Clashes”. I.e. these clashes are not the fruits of my ultimate ‘insolence’ rather my self-love mistaken as narcissism hurts them internally.
Their ego is flattened by my indifferent attitude, which compels them to create artificial conflicts with me. These conflicts may be gets them the amount of attention that they think they deserve. But when they still remain futile in making me accept their dominance, they start over with being over nice.
The over nice attitude is always a sight to enjoy! Trying to get their self-esteem satisfied they in fact end up losing it a little more. Then comes in the extra-rude attitude, which is the most entertaining part. In this last shot they try to use their ‘ definitive power’ to screw anything which could benefit me. They might be successful sometimes in using their deviated political arms to hurt me and could end up in making me suffer to an extent.
But they can never break my Ego because it’s stronger than theirs. I’m ready to suffer whatever comes in my way in order to maintain my Self-respect and Yes! These collisions strengthen me a little more!