Dreams Die….

We all see dreams, we all visualize them with our eyes wide open… you did too right?

We all see what’s inside our heart and what we are capable of achieving!

Then you start getting older, probably reaching late teens and following a path formulated long ago by your parents. It’s not that they forced you to do so; it’s just easy to follow that.

The struggle to get in the best school and the fight to win the battle of board marks. The fight is so overpowering that the ability to look through things get to an unconscious part of our brain. The unconscious; which is not only hidden but it is hidden forever.

Soon you start spending the momentous time of your life, the university life. Freshmen….a nascent follower trying to adapt to the culture of the locals with no rationale of what lies beneath the superficiality. Sophomore, a time spent learning, enjoying and hoping to get used to the atmosphere of your university. Junior year, a realization of what talents you had when you were 15 and now what are you left with? Anyways we still continue enjoying what the university and others defined as enjoyment for us.

Finally the finale of your university life begins….thinking about the last few years and yet confused about your future is the next dilemma that awaits you. You enjoy and hope to get the best job out of every opportunity available.

Then you graduate, with a robe and degree you take picture and sooner or later you find a job. May be not in your dream organization but somewhere you’ll end up earning some good money and enjoying an independent life.

But now that unconscious dream of making it big starts breathing again!

You can’t sleep at night because the frustration of not actualizing your talents is somewhere still awake. You buried it! Yes! You buried it deep down…but in the corner of your spinal cord it still possesses a space to pull adrenaline in your veins.

You suddenly seem depressed because that adrenaline is now dead….making you feel dead. The death of your dreams due to your own cowardice, family’s pressure or anything in the world is ultimately affecting you. You are married, have two cute kids and want to see them in the best corporate world making millions or want to marry your daughters to the best husbands available in the world who will provide them comfort. But unconsciously what you want might lead to the death of their dreams….might kill what was just killed inside you! You lived the life of a human just leaning over success or blindly following the epitomes of a happy family but did you attain happiness?

Think about it……since there is always an opportunity yet unveiled….

 

I Wished!

With every minute passing, with each day crawling and with each year slipping away from my life…the wish to take control amplifies.

Each moment just enhances the anger, aggression and wrath burning within me. It’s very easy to dictate one to take control of his resentment and suppress it somewhere deep. But, when you see the one you love in pain, this resentment can take form of a fire which burns your capability to think and process.

Each moment of excruciation for your loved one becomes a moment of heart-ache for you…seeing the one who matters the most in a vulnerable state, you bleed somewhere inside. Continue reading

Intensity of Passion can exterminate your Soul…

Let not the coldness, sharpness or stiffness of a person fool you…every person, either as sharp as a brutal knife or as fragile as block of sand, has an inspirational figure in his or her life. This figure not only inspires him to breathe and live rather it can explain the meaning of life to him without saying a word. Mere presence of this figure leads to a surge of motivation, an electrical surge to stand up for whatever his motives are.

Some might assess this as a figure who is your partner in life but I would strongly negate this fact. It could be anyone, anyone from your mother to your neighbor, from your wife to your paper boy…anyone who inspires you to live and feel the soul within you!

But when the inspiration ignores your existence or doesn’t acknowledge your feelings…. it hurts. Have you ever imagined a scenario where this enlightening being not only ignores rather brutally negates your emotions?

You’re so helpless when your admiration is perceived as a source of pain & your expressions considered as cold as the frozen dead body kept in the refrigerator since its presence can terrify the near ones!!!

In the beginning you try and try harder to rectify and appease the situation but alas! Every attempt you make renders another mistake which is bigger….. Till, a time comes when all your efforts and hopes are crushed like rusty leaves crushed by ruthless pedestrians!

Why people see the expressions on your face or take your coldness as hatred? Why the world belittles the meanings behind small gestures?

They all can see the unemotional nature of a person but can’t understand the intensity of passion underneath that! Some people born with the inability to express are also born with the ability to love someone to the extreme… but why they exaggerate the former and ignore the latter!

One can survive if it’s the world who misinterprets your coldness as hatred….but the soul fades away if it’s the one who inspires you!

My Angels!

When I was young and vulnerable, my hands were small and fingers like ladyfingers. I was afraid of sleeping alone at night and my heart pounded when I saw a horror film. I couldn’t take a step outside my home since I was to naïve to cross the road.

The world was colossal for me to handle, but yet my world was a little wonder like a fairytale. A wonder where there were four fairies, yes! They existed and they exist even now to protect me from the ruthless world.
The first one to hold my hand was the Fairy Godmother, who held my hand, clenched my fingers when the world was not even visible. She watched me over when I was alone, loved me like a princess sitting on her throne. She fulfilled my wishes and I called her my Grandmother. In her hands there was love and affection, all she needed to do was touch me with her hands and make me secure.
We went outside to discover and if I fell she helped me recover. I still remember the ducks we used to feed with my Jam toast and the parks we used to stopover. She took me for a walk though I was ten times slower than her. She fought my tiny battles and never let me down. My desires were fulfilled without even a bit of hesitation and my tears were as precious as pearls due to her presence.

She was there, there and there and everywhere! To make my life a small heaven with
laughter and glee ubiquitously!

Then I started growing up, like a star of her eyes. I was like a princess, a doll treated with the greatest affection by them all. I never thought she’d leave me alone, never imagined the loss when she was gone. I was too little to realize that she was no more, rather just thought she was asleep. My mom, sisters and aunts cried and I just wandered without recognizing the precious gift of nature I had lost. She was ill I knew it well, but I was unfamiliar to the meaning of death. Now I think, how painful she must’ve felt, leaving those who she brought up behind, going to a world which for us is still undefined.

The second fairy is my other Fairy Godmother who took the pain even beyond imagination to give birth to a naïve little twerp like me!
She comforted me in her shelter, with her soft arms wrapped around my body to give me the blanket of coziness irreplaceable by any blanket in the world. She was, is and will always be the best Mom present in the world. She didn’t sleep for hours if I had a little fever. With her sleepless eyes she greeted me with the same fresh smile once again. Her eyes are enough to make my life bright and her one kiss can make my day.
She worked hours to please my massive appetite and record my favorite cartoons. She spent days to sew the best frock I could wear and brag about among other children. I can recall the weeks I took off from school with an excuse of “not feeling like going to school”, requesting her to let me not give the exams and taking money from her while she was on the phone. She never turned and scolded me for all the blunders I made, never stood on head checking my homework, she trusts me for whatever I did and still do and I love her for her existence!
Her mere presence can bring luck to my life, her eyes shine and they make me smile. Without her prayer, I believe I’m nothing but a piece of flesh without life. Drinking tea, talking life and discussing issues with her seems to fill my life, which is an empty bag of rubbish without her. She is there and this feeling is enough to make me face anything that comes my way,

Mama, I just don’t have words to express my gratitude to you for being my mom!
The next two fairies are my two junior fairy Godmothers! One is like a roof, which saves me from all the cruelties that life has to throw at me and the other one is like the four walls, which surround me and keep me alive!
I call them my sisters, both make me laugh, one takes me to places to discover the world and the other one makes me feel like a kid whose every little desire should and will be fulfilled.
I remember those times when I took their lunches away just because I was younger they didn’t say a word. We played and wrestled; they lost the race to make me feel proud of my stamina.
They took me outside to buy me ice creams and do my school homework. At the end of summer vacation the whole family used to sit and fill my homework copies. My art handworks were hand made by them lolzz! Life was amazing.
One used to clean the house and dance with me while the other taught me how to drive and dance in the rain outside. I spent days thinking that they were ghosts because they ran faster than me. And while playing hide n’ seek they will hide in the easiest place possible or sometimes right in front of me.
Now when we have passed the days of our childhood, I still feel as secure with their presence like pillars around me. They stand by me like two angels to protect and help me in my every matter. In times of sorrow I get confused to cry on which shoulder because by Allah’s grace I have many options to choose from! 

These fairies have made my life like a small heaven on earth rather; my life is due to their presence. I don’t need pretty friends, best friends or even boyfriends because I have these four pretty ladies around me. Although my Grandma is gone but I know she is still around me, ready to guide me through thick and thin, I feel her presence whenever I am exalted and I sense her tears whenever I cry. My mother is there to help, guide, support and bless me with her heartfelt feelings, She makes me feel alive and a moment spent without her is a moment without life and soul. My sisters are here around me; I feel their arms around my shoulders and hands held tight whenever I need someone. They make me smile in the weirdest situations and teach me what life has taught them.
Thus, they all are the comfort zones, which protect me from the rashes of life, and keep my soul as soft as they can. They are the sheaths, which take all the pain to make my life painless.

Yes they are my Angels!!!