Be yourself!

It’s all a myth…myth of relationships, myth of friendships, myth of heartbreaks and myth of heartaches. Spending our lives trying to strike a balance between emotions and rationality….finding a rationale for our emotional acts and justifying our ruthlessness by placating others!

be-yourself

The human nature is all about whitewashing shades of grey and changing it to black if the need be. We’re all controlled and twisted by this inner need to justify ourselves and align with the given environment.

Why do we need to constantly go with the flow? Why do we need to assign certain norms to our emotions? Why hide behind a mask which is just at the surface? Continue reading

Hunger

What meaning do we derive from life? Do we see it as a course of attaining our desires? Or is it a path to perfection?

I see hundreds of people in the world running around to get what they want…let it be happiness or material things; they’re all concerned about getting their wishes fulfilled. But many a times this urge crosses the line between wanting and lusting. Yes, Lust for happiness, hunger for money, the craving for power….

I know that ‘lust’ is usually used in a pervert meaning but I use it here to define a Want with a Negative Connotation. That’s where many of us cross the line between ‘wanting something’ and ‘obsessing about something’.

This ‘Lust’ is evident, presenting itself in different disguises ubiquitously. Display of this hunger can be observed if we just look at the camouflage of others and ourselves for that matter…

I saw it in the brothers fighting for inheritance.

Noticed the how cautiously the children divided jewelry of their ‘Late Mother’. Everything was right except the hunger, corroborated in their gestures!

Isn’t it discernible in the pejorative comments of a politician about a party which he joins a few days later? Sadly these ministers don’t even bother to hide their yearnings!

Love is the weapon used commonly for this concealment….It was there masked as love, when a mother tried to avoid the marriage of his son with the fear of losing him.

Marriage for the sake of beauty, money or sheer attractiveness…it’s the marriage of desire not of emotions.

The presence of envy in the gaze of a sister! The jealousy secretly sneaks out from the corner of her eyes when she adores her gorgeous sister.

I saw it when a priest said he was devoid of the worldly desires while grabbing the meaty delights presented to him.

Its everywhere, in me, in you and in all of us though the quantities may differ.

I don’t say that ‘Wanting’ or ‘Desiring’ is a sin in itself. But perhaps the moment you start concealing your hidden motives from the world, you’re crossing the line between ‘hunger’ and ‘aspiration’!

 

Happy Father’s Day Dad!

I always felt that being indifferent is equal to being strong. I was one of those, who had and still have this emotionless and detached face to offer at the hardest situations. For me, it was one of my key successes on my way to becoming a CEO.

I tried my best to suppress all my emotions. And this suppression increased as emotions ranged from being affectionate to being sad and being fearful respectively. I don’t even remember how many times I stunned my precious ones with my cold responses. My innate indifference shook them and slowly they all imagined it as one of my innate traits.

Meantime, I kept on enjoying my attitude which matched that of a psychopath. But it’s true that a human needs a support to move on, so I discovered that in someone. I cherished her appreciation and always connected my pleasure with her presence.

She brightened up my life and slowly the brightness of others in this life vanished. My mind lost its original connections and built up new ones. Subconsciously I connected everyone to as how she knew them, instead of how I knew them. My tree had only one big branch which further branched into many small branches. Everyone else lost importance in my world!

I didn’t care what they did and reacted only when she reacted. I supported her staunchly, but unfortunately I supported Only her!

It wasn’t that she wanted me to be that way; rather I could see she loathed the way I was shaping my life.  My life continued and these new connections grew older. So old; that even the signs of the native ones got hazy just like the plane flies far away in a few seconds…becomes a spot…… and then it vanishes. And I was exactly at the third stage of this extinction of relations, until a few days ago.

Father’s day came this year; I saw it on television and even planned to through a small party for my father. This reflected my love for him like all other children love their fathers.

But somewhere deep down, I knew I was ready to throw a party for him not because of the usual ‘love’ that children have for their fathers. If it wasn’t love then what was it?

I searched and hunted for the answer to my simple query. But every time I asked myself, I got nothing back. I could draw the parallel of this to what I did to others. I offered an apathetic response to others…but now I realized how difficult it was to taste my own recipe.

Then I began to judge my feelings for all those I years I had never felt remorse or sorrow for hurting the people whom I loved. And now the reason was clear, I had detached myself. Except for that one support I cherished, I had convinced my mind slowly and gradually to disconnect myself with others, without realizing that this disconnection could be in other words ‘isolation’ for me.

Those people were hurt and I didn’t care. But you know what? They were yet so generous that they had accepted this cold, unconcerned and intolerable creature I had become. They didn’t hate me though they hated the attitude I showed them.

But what do I do now?  Is it so easy to change myself? No, certainly not. Emotions can’t be built overnight. But yes! Those which are hidden deep inside can be scooped out and deep inside I loved him.

Now, my father’s day will be meaningful because now I know its meaning

‘Happy Father’s Day Dad!’

 

The Baggage!

Imagine waking up in the middle of the night by hearing what you just said out loud ‘unknowingly’ while you were asleep….

No it doesn’t imply that you are a ghost or you are a maniac! Then what is it? Is it the shrillness of your voice or the amplitude of its frequency? Is it the doors stumbling behind your back or the windows just shattered? ……Its none of those too..

It’s more the web of thoughts in your brain which crunches your power to relax, your mind is grumbling and regurgitating the events that just passed by.

People call me self obsessed, self conceited or sometimes psychic but I’m hundred percent sure that we all are that at one place or point in our life.

Everything in my life seems to be jumbled up in a big baggage lying at the corner of my mind. It leaves no opportunity to exploit your thoughts and hinder your every step. The moment you are about to have fun or make a decision, the worst memory of your life will come up and destroy it all! Continue reading