Dreams Die….

We all see dreams, we all visualize them with our eyes wide open… you did too right?

We all see what’s inside our heart and what we are capable of achieving!

Then you start getting older, probably reaching late teens and following a path formulated long ago by your parents. It’s not that they forced you to do so; it’s just easy to follow that.

The struggle to get in the best school and the fight to win the battle of board marks. The fight is so overpowering that the ability to look through things get to an unconscious part of our brain. The unconscious; which is not only hidden but it is hidden forever.

Soon you start spending the momentous time of your life, the university life. Freshmen….a nascent follower trying to adapt to the culture of the locals with no rationale of what lies beneath the superficiality. Sophomore, a time spent learning, enjoying and hoping to get used to the atmosphere of your university. Junior year, a realization of what talents you had when you were 15 and now what are you left with? Anyways we still continue enjoying what the university and others defined as enjoyment for us.

Finally the finale of your university life begins….thinking about the last few years and yet confused about your future is the next dilemma that awaits you. You enjoy and hope to get the best job out of every opportunity available.

Then you graduate, with a robe and degree you take picture and sooner or later you find a job. May be not in your dream organization but somewhere you’ll end up earning some good money and enjoying an independent life.

But now that unconscious dream of making it big starts breathing again!

You can’t sleep at night because the frustration of not actualizing your talents is somewhere still awake. You buried it! Yes! You buried it deep down…but in the corner of your spinal cord it still possesses a space to pull adrenaline in your veins.

You suddenly seem depressed because that adrenaline is now dead….making you feel dead. The death of your dreams due to your own cowardice, family’s pressure or anything in the world is ultimately affecting you. You are married, have two cute kids and want to see them in the best corporate world making millions or want to marry your daughters to the best husbands available in the world who will provide them comfort. But unconsciously what you want might lead to the death of their dreams….might kill what was just killed inside you! You lived the life of a human just leaning over success or blindly following the epitomes of a happy family but did you attain happiness?

Think about it……since there is always an opportunity yet unveiled….

 

While I’m Alone!

Suddenly it started pounding fast…..I was hundred percent sure that it will burst in a few moments. While, my fists were getting wet and mind trying to register what’s happening, my eyes searched for a person to call out. I wanted to scream and let someone know, that hey! I’m not alright; hey do you care if I die…..hey unfortunately, I’m not fine. I wanted to shout and tell someone, but that someone wasn’t there.

If I stretch my hands out, will there be a friend to hold it and help me out? Will there be someone to help me catch my breath? Will there be someone who would tell me that it’s gonna be alright? But, I was the only one who cared!

I was alone, there were hundreds of people around me but I was alone. With my eyes darkening, with every chunk of time being taken away, I was feeling more and more lonely. It was sheer darkness, more of my mind rather than sight all spread ubiquitously.

I closed my eyes, barely reached my headphones to plug in my ears and prayed that I just get better. The clock ticked and ticked, with my head down, I just thought of the people who would make me feel the way no one else could.

The moment I closed my eyes, my Mom’s face just popped up. Yes! She was the reason I was alive….the reason why I was the good part of me only though. My sisters, the cuties….who stood by me….who cried and smiled with me….they were there even making me smile at this time.

But what about all those ‘Social bonds’ I developed here? All those friendships and all those ties? Don’t they care if I’m not well? I couldn’t think of a single name to call who will leave everything to come and make me feel alright! Not a single one!

We all learn, how important it is to be good at ‘PR’, but what good it does to me if people are only there to spend some good time. When we are lonely as we can be, nobody’s there to help share the burden of your sorrows. We ignore the one’s who love us unconditionally for these people or this ‘PR’?

The rush of these thoughts and the sheer realization, of how my mother loved me despite of all the bad I was, gave me the spirit to get up back on my feet. It pushed me to pick up my bag, grab my books and leave for home. Why should I expect anything from anyone, while I had someone who would hold me tight and tell me she cared!

Why should I bother, thinking about the world when I had a few people who kept on thinking about me 24/7!….I should never do that, and I shall never do that.

Some lessons are learnt the hard way. But the truth is that every moment of your life has a lesson waiting to be deciphered.

 

 

Past!

Past, a four letter word which encompasses thousands of emotions, countless memories and even more regrets.

Sometimes when I’m with you, I realize how difficult it is to let go of the past and even more difficult to forget the mistakes you made at that time.

Each and every moment I spent with you, runs like a flashback in my veins. It reminds me, how happy we were together ….a wholesome family!

But then you left, leaving a space which will never be filled in the coming times. As you left you forgot to tell me that you won’t be coming back ever again.

I with my hope waited and waited to make things right with you, as I in my wildest dreams didn’t imagine that you will never come back.

But you knew it all the time, that now we all have to survive with those memories you left with us. Then you come back and visit us for a few times. Just like the rain fills the dried wells in deserts after years of abandonment.

Wait, but what if the rain forgets to visit the forest for years? That won’t be abandonment! It would be revenge or an attempt of murder rather.

But I still can’t accept it that those days are gone and will never come back again. Those memories which I was so naïve to cherish at that time now don’t leave my mind for a moment …

Come back; don’t go…as you might get whatever you want there but the lost happiness can never come back

Each moment spent without you is like a year wasted while searching for a ray of light in the midst of darkness!

Happy Father’s Day Dad!

I always felt that being indifferent is equal to being strong. I was one of those, who had and still have this emotionless and detached face to offer at the hardest situations. For me, it was one of my key successes on my way to becoming a CEO.

I tried my best to suppress all my emotions. And this suppression increased as emotions ranged from being affectionate to being sad and being fearful respectively. I don’t even remember how many times I stunned my precious ones with my cold responses. My innate indifference shook them and slowly they all imagined it as one of my innate traits.

Meantime, I kept on enjoying my attitude which matched that of a psychopath. But it’s true that a human needs a support to move on, so I discovered that in someone. I cherished her appreciation and always connected my pleasure with her presence.

She brightened up my life and slowly the brightness of others in this life vanished. My mind lost its original connections and built up new ones. Subconsciously I connected everyone to as how she knew them, instead of how I knew them. My tree had only one big branch which further branched into many small branches. Everyone else lost importance in my world!

I didn’t care what they did and reacted only when she reacted. I supported her staunchly, but unfortunately I supported Only her!

It wasn’t that she wanted me to be that way; rather I could see she loathed the way I was shaping my life.  My life continued and these new connections grew older. So old; that even the signs of the native ones got hazy just like the plane flies far away in a few seconds…becomes a spot…… and then it vanishes. And I was exactly at the third stage of this extinction of relations, until a few days ago.

Father’s day came this year; I saw it on television and even planned to through a small party for my father. This reflected my love for him like all other children love their fathers.

But somewhere deep down, I knew I was ready to throw a party for him not because of the usual ‘love’ that children have for their fathers. If it wasn’t love then what was it?

I searched and hunted for the answer to my simple query. But every time I asked myself, I got nothing back. I could draw the parallel of this to what I did to others. I offered an apathetic response to others…but now I realized how difficult it was to taste my own recipe.

Then I began to judge my feelings for all those I years I had never felt remorse or sorrow for hurting the people whom I loved. And now the reason was clear, I had detached myself. Except for that one support I cherished, I had convinced my mind slowly and gradually to disconnect myself with others, without realizing that this disconnection could be in other words ‘isolation’ for me.

Those people were hurt and I didn’t care. But you know what? They were yet so generous that they had accepted this cold, unconcerned and intolerable creature I had become. They didn’t hate me though they hated the attitude I showed them.

But what do I do now?  Is it so easy to change myself? No, certainly not. Emotions can’t be built overnight. But yes! Those which are hidden deep inside can be scooped out and deep inside I loved him.

Now, my father’s day will be meaningful because now I know its meaning

‘Happy Father’s Day Dad!’