With earphones pouring melancholic tunes in my heart, the wind slowly pulling me back from numbness, I felt a lot…a lot happening in my mind today on my way to university.
My eyes were closed, was stuffed in the seat and barely fixed my feet on the ground with a lot of strangers around me in the bus, but yet I tried to sort out the knots within my mind.
A look at the crowd; the rush they were in, the irritation they showed and their struggle to surpass each other in getting a seat, struck my mind. Continue reading →
Have you ever had a friend with whom you can share everything…your cries, convictions, opinions, grief or simply opened your heart out to this friend? Well, if the answer is yes, you’re lucky and if not then you’re wise!
Some might call it harsh luck and others might say it’s a flaw, but I have never had ‘close friends’. Further elaborating ‘close’; it implies friends close enough to share genuine thoughts with without a fear of distrust or betrayal, intimate enough to read your eyes without provoking tears and cherished enough to be missed at every single moment spent without them.
The thought of having a friend with the adjectives aforementioned appears quite vague and unrealistic to me, may be because I have never had an encounter with a friend forever. The idea appears amazing to find someone and make a bond which is beyond your age group, gender, class or ethnicity and give it a minimal name ‘best friend’, but it’s also as improbable for me as astonishing it may appears to others. Friendship has a different measurement scale for everyone, some might term acquaintance as friends or some might take years to consider someone a friend. I may hangout with many and term them as pals, but when it comes to my core persona…no one knows about it. I never share my secrets or my true feelings with anyone, call me an introvert or a psychic but I just can’t trust or divulge!
I admit that occasionally while sipping my coffee alone or trying to gulp the bland noodles, I do reckon that I have no friends to share my tasteless noodles with. The reason could be my ego, rudeness or something unknown. Oh! Firstly clarifying this doesn’t mean that I have never had friends at all, I have had many and I still have many too but either my friendships break a little too early or they are just fake Hi’s Hello’s as I perceive it. Coming back to the original topic, yes! Neither do I believe in the friends forever jingles nor do I sing them.
A month to a year, that’s the maximum time I maintain my friendships with someone. After that, something out of my control happens which I may term as heavenly and we break it up. This sad ending is never a fight or a quarrel rather it’s an ending of an era with a reversal of time. Reversal of time can be explained as the process in which friends become strangers!
Once the friendship has ended, we might walk by each other but never walk together, we might stand next to each other but never stand by and we might sit next to each other but never rest upon. But the query which bothers me is did we actually stand by each other before this ended? Were those secrets which were blurted out after the friendship, ever secure? Were those thoughts made fun of later, ever truly appreciated? And were they actually ill the day when I confronted my weaknesses in front of everyone? These questions might appear vague or improbable but I still suggest why take a risk? Why risk your emotions and convictions to an unknown when you know that the pressure of regret will be intolerable? Why open your heart to someone who can’t save it from the maggots waiting to invade it?
You might be a lucky one to find the pearl in the sea but what if you’re just another average one? Will you risk your emotions when the cost of losing trust and confidence clearly over weighs the benefits of a best friend?
If the answer is still yes, then in your dictionary wisdom is surely over ruled by that tiny bloody piece of flesh called heart!
We’re never so vulnerable than when we trust someone – but paradoxically, if we cannot trust, neither can we find love or joy” Walter Anderson
Life revolves around either those you love or those you don’t. The foundation of love is trust and the foundation of hatred is distrust.
Human beings are born bonded, trapped and webbed in relationships. These bonds are strong and inflexible. Once these relations are clearly defined, begins the true tale of struggle. Struggle to satisfy your loved ones, to come up to their expectations, the effort to never lose the faith they have in you. Your whole life begins to twist and twine around them. Each and every second spent is a moment with fear of being left alone by those whom you love and the fear of uncertainty. This fear of betrayal makes the insatiable human to search for more. And then you wander and look for friends. Friends who without any conditions, any expectations share your sorrows and cherish your company. But the key to friendship is unfortunately also trust. You trust your friends, believe their each and every word and spend the best moments of your life with them. But the fear of being betrayed remains, the fear of being alone in the dark, of being left out and the key to this fear is distrust.
Again human nature takes a step further to eradicate this fear and there begins the search of that someone special. You leave those who love you in the search of love. Search of someone who will give you respect, will support you throughout your life and trust you for whatever you do. But the tarnished human nature strikes again in the form of infidelity for someone more lovable than the one we have. This time opposite sex attracts for an unknown reason and you blindly follow. The trust is broken and this time we name our uncontrollable desires as true love.
Thus we spend our whole life searching for someone to hold our scattered life together. We define different terms to make new relations and also to break the old ones. But in this struggle to find someone dependable what we are left with are only some broken hearts, horrifying memories and abraded souls. The search of fidelity when combined with human’s treacherous mind just leaves marks of distrust which accompany us till we perish.