Past!

Past, a four letter word which encompasses thousands of emotions, countless memories and even more regrets.

Sometimes when I’m with you, I realize how difficult it is to let go of the past and even more difficult to forget the mistakes you made at that time.

Each and every moment I spent with you, runs like a flashback in my veins. It reminds me, how happy we were together ….a wholesome family!

But then you left, leaving a space which will never be filled in the coming times. As you left you forgot to tell me that you won’t be coming back ever again.

I with my hope waited and waited to make things right with you, as I in my wildest dreams didn’t imagine that you will never come back.

But you knew it all the time, that now we all have to survive with those memories you left with us. Then you come back and visit us for a few times. Just like the rain fills the dried wells in deserts after years of abandonment.

Wait, but what if the rain forgets to visit the forest for years? That won’t be abandonment! It would be revenge or an attempt of murder rather.

But I still can’t accept it that those days are gone and will never come back again. Those memories which I was so naïve to cherish at that time now don’t leave my mind for a moment …

Come back; don’t go…as you might get whatever you want there but the lost happiness can never come back

Each moment spent without you is like a year wasted while searching for a ray of light in the midst of darkness!

Happy Father’s Day Dad!

I always felt that being indifferent is equal to being strong. I was one of those, who had and still have this emotionless and detached face to offer at the hardest situations. For me, it was one of my key successes on my way to becoming a CEO.

I tried my best to suppress all my emotions. And this suppression increased as emotions ranged from being affectionate to being sad and being fearful respectively. I don’t even remember how many times I stunned my precious ones with my cold responses. My innate indifference shook them and slowly they all imagined it as one of my innate traits.

Meantime, I kept on enjoying my attitude which matched that of a psychopath. But it’s true that a human needs a support to move on, so I discovered that in someone. I cherished her appreciation and always connected my pleasure with her presence.

She brightened up my life and slowly the brightness of others in this life vanished. My mind lost its original connections and built up new ones. Subconsciously I connected everyone to as how she knew them, instead of how I knew them. My tree had only one big branch which further branched into many small branches. Everyone else lost importance in my world!

I didn’t care what they did and reacted only when she reacted. I supported her staunchly, but unfortunately I supported Only her!

It wasn’t that she wanted me to be that way; rather I could see she loathed the way I was shaping my life.  My life continued and these new connections grew older. So old; that even the signs of the native ones got hazy just like the plane flies far away in a few seconds…becomes a spot…… and then it vanishes. And I was exactly at the third stage of this extinction of relations, until a few days ago.

Father’s day came this year; I saw it on television and even planned to through a small party for my father. This reflected my love for him like all other children love their fathers.

But somewhere deep down, I knew I was ready to throw a party for him not because of the usual ‘love’ that children have for their fathers. If it wasn’t love then what was it?

I searched and hunted for the answer to my simple query. But every time I asked myself, I got nothing back. I could draw the parallel of this to what I did to others. I offered an apathetic response to others…but now I realized how difficult it was to taste my own recipe.

Then I began to judge my feelings for all those I years I had never felt remorse or sorrow for hurting the people whom I loved. And now the reason was clear, I had detached myself. Except for that one support I cherished, I had convinced my mind slowly and gradually to disconnect myself with others, without realizing that this disconnection could be in other words ‘isolation’ for me.

Those people were hurt and I didn’t care. But you know what? They were yet so generous that they had accepted this cold, unconcerned and intolerable creature I had become. They didn’t hate me though they hated the attitude I showed them.

But what do I do now?  Is it so easy to change myself? No, certainly not. Emotions can’t be built overnight. But yes! Those which are hidden deep inside can be scooped out and deep inside I loved him.

Now, my father’s day will be meaningful because now I know its meaning

‘Happy Father’s Day Dad!’

 

I Carry This Joy in My Footsteps, Making My Way Back To You!

Have you ever felt the rush, the obsession and the ultimate desire to see someone at that moment ?…and then, without considering the circumstances… without wasting another second…with or without anyone else…..you ran and rushed to meet that one person?

If you haven’t, then you certainly are unfamiliar with the zest and vigor this urge adds to your body and mind. The thought of being with that one blurs any marks of fatigue from your forehead. The ‘peace’ you attain from meeting her definitely devalues the pains you go through to be with her! Continue reading

Unfathomable Love!

Pink dress, red shoes, mascara on eyelashes and slick pouch in hand….. A wallet full of money, Brand new Rado Swiss watch, Levi’s T-shirt and a brand new shining car….. A perfect date and a perfect match for everyone!

People these days have an image of a perfect couple and perfect love which either exists or doesn’t.

But what we tend to ignore is that love is an emotion so gigantic and unfathomable that it is almost beyond your reach to define it in a few sentences or even thousands of pages.

As we refer to the ‘Metaphorical Love’ i.e. the love for the creation of God we tend to disregard the fact that there can be no perfect love. A walk on the beach or a candle light dinner neither defines love nor expresses it, as it could be mere attraction or profound affection.

We nowadays tend to ignore the deepness of true love which can be intense for us to handle. On one hand, the intensity of true love can take the form of passion and rule the world…on the other it can burn you if you deny it!

‘Ishq’ in Urdu, ‘Eshq’ in Persian and Unfathomable Love in English refers to a situation when love takes its root in the heart of a lover; everything other than God is effaced. This ‘Ishq’ is not just for a person or a commodity …it can be a feeling or the urge to do what you want to….it can be the emotion which provokes you to do what you yearn for!

We see people truly madly deeply in love for each other these days; from young teens to middle aged matures….the slogan of ‘love’ is on everyone’s tongue. But the claim this ‘love’ makes embarrasses the ‘Ishq’ which is filled with passion, obsession and compassion.

Love is not the attraction you feel for another one …it’s not about just the gender, person, beauty or the heartbeat… rather it’s the agonizing craving to just think of the one you love…..it’s the passion to do what you love…..it’s the fervor to either make or break the system for your beloved’s desire…..it’s the feeling of ecstasy that the much-loved exists!

When the love reaches the zenith, the existence of the world doesn’t matter. Let the ‘Love’ be; your passion to be something or the craving to adore someone… each time when veracious love strikes…the person feels the seventh heaven!

Once you’re completely drowned in ‘Ishq’ the distinction for the right or wrong might get obscured…but this ‘Love’ always does the wrong by hurting one’s self. The guilt might diminish if your precious doesn’t grasp the fervor of your love…..the denial of your beloved can be the demise of your existence……

Though many claimants of ‘Love’ exist today and the ones who taste ‘ecstasy’ are very few….but the fewer ones lives forever!
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