Graduation & A Conversation With Myself..

And it was night, dark and serene….a night fulfilling the norms of peace and tranquility.

A night which could stimulate and motivate the happy souls….and could wither the souls of the sad ones…I had just gotten free of my last final of my undergrad and realized that I was sorrowful!

I was sad and drowsy, not because I needed to party or have fun, rather I needed some certainty, I needed some focus and I needed a few months more of ‘Carelessness’. I was unable to get out of the past and was too obsessed with what I had experienced in the last four years.

I was clenching onto those moments I had spent with the people; I loved, cherished, hated or invoked any emotion. I wasn’t looking beyond a ceiling which constituted the sky for me!

My past was not only my preset but also overshadowed my future. My vision was distorted because the past stood there to mesmerize and the future, future wasn’t just willing to unfold itself.

Hmmm, where were we? Oh yeah! The night….the night began as I started walking on the jogging track. Walking towards the future or the past was a question I asked myself. I know introspection makes one sad…but introspection can lead to exploration of ideas which were there in the subconscious waiting to be unveiled. Hence, I juggled my feelings, thoughts and what I wanted to do in future.

I had a brilliant conversation with my soul which led me to some definitive answers. I asked okay university ended, will you miss these people? The mind said yes! Why would you miss them? Cz’ I have spent some amazing moments with them. Hmmm, then? then, those moments are just amazing memories na. Oh okay, so it means you want them to be in your memory forever right? Yeah of course! So if you are asked to relive university life, will you? Of course, I would want to relive those moments again and feel that adrenaline rush even more. Okay I get it, you want no more memories whatsoever and just want to relive university life again and again right? Hmm, no I want to do a lot of things other than the university too. So every time you’ll do something good, you’d like to relive it and feel it again? Yeah may be. But that’s a dichotomy, wanting to relive and then moving forward, you have to choose one? Then I shall choose to move forward.

Precisely, that is how memories become ‘memories’! I didn’t get it! It’s simple, moments turn into memories, only when they become a part of your past, a past you have lived and left. And if you don’t leave, then moments become blisters which are neither appeasing nor relieving.

And hence, my tracks are now set! Set towards the future, where the abundance of opportunities and adventures await my arrival! 😀

 

Past!

Past, a four letter word which encompasses thousands of emotions, countless memories and even more regrets.

Sometimes when I’m with you, I realize how difficult it is to let go of the past and even more difficult to forget the mistakes you made at that time.

Each and every moment I spent with you, runs like a flashback in my veins. It reminds me, how happy we were together ….a wholesome family!

But then you left, leaving a space which will never be filled in the coming times. As you left you forgot to tell me that you won’t be coming back ever again.

I with my hope waited and waited to make things right with you, as I in my wildest dreams didn’t imagine that you will never come back.

But you knew it all the time, that now we all have to survive with those memories you left with us. Then you come back and visit us for a few times. Just like the rain fills the dried wells in deserts after years of abandonment.

Wait, but what if the rain forgets to visit the forest for years? That won’t be abandonment! It would be revenge or an attempt of murder rather.

But I still can’t accept it that those days are gone and will never come back again. Those memories which I was so naïve to cherish at that time now don’t leave my mind for a moment …

Come back; don’t go…as you might get whatever you want there but the lost happiness can never come back

Each moment spent without you is like a year wasted while searching for a ray of light in the midst of darkness!