Happy Soul Searching…. :D

Awake, in the middle of the night…writing random stuff and reading books makes you realize that how eager you are to invest your time in something other than ‘sleeping’.

I just graduated a few weeks ago…with no burden on my shoulders and no pressure to read , study or write, I am still awake at 2 am and writing an article which might not be even read by a lot of people. Some might find it boring, some might ignore it when I post it on my site and others will completely unsubscribe from my newsfeed. With no popularity whatsoever, I am still wasting my time over a pile of words, jumbled and mingled according to my creativity. I am exhausted because I just came back from shopping around midnight. I have a little fever with occasional coughing and sneezing coupled with a running nose. And yet, I am writing and all set to post it on my website by tonight, as if someone is desperately waiting to read it :P.

Why am I writing this? There must be a reason. When we are students, we are pushed to study. When we are children we are scolded to do the chores. When we are youngsters, we are deficient in our motivation. But when we are free, with no pressures and no fear of being driven by others towards our goals, we start putting in the time we could have wasted in sleeping or anything unproductive.

I am writing this, because for me it’s a source of pleasure yet an opportunity for soul searching. I can pour my heart down to these words, while I’m travelling and flying over the horizons of my dreams! One place to another, I am here and also there….I am unraveling many things that were there yet undiscovered….I am experiencing an urge to loosen my nerves to the voice of my inner conscience….I don’t feel embarrassed in sharing my dreaded childish fear with this soul….while I press the keys on the keyboard, my fingers pass a stream of vibrant electricity to my nervous system, this stream awakens my hidden desires of knowledge….desires which are yet unveiled but desired since always.

Some might dance, sing, may be even drive or do anything to do unravel there hidden inner-self. But as soon you as learn to communicate with that inner drive, your goals, moral, values and passions, all begin to come in line with what you eventually do in your life. You know what you are good at, you know what you moralistic demands are but when you know  your inner conscience and your soul…that is when all the things get amalgamated to give a direction in your life…… 😀

 

What God has chosen for us?

I opened my eyes, stared at the sky, gave a sarcastic smile and turned over. My eyes were moist and small drops of tears running down my cheeks, but I managed to hide my face in the fusty grass I was lying on.
What was I doing? Was I trying to question or humiliate nature….then why were my eyes wet? I know exactly the state I was going through! I was unhappy; rather sorrowful or may be loathed my current condition. I blamed God for all my disasters and my sarcasm was just an instrument to show my inner anger. I thought that all my dilemmas were His scam and I was as innocent as a newly born baby in her mother’s lap.
We all go through this phase of emotional trauma, where we are left with no way out. Hence, the only way to vent out our frustration is to blame The Almighty for it.

Then I felt something on my shoulder, something pouring down. I turned back and it was raining. Small droplets poured down and slowly my whole anxiety started flowing with the cold water. I like a cliché imagined, it wasn’t rain rather the clouds were crying with me.

Drenched in water, I walked with heavy steps in the torrential rains. As few droplets turned into many, the clouds also went from being dark to darker. Wherever the dim ray of light tried to enter, the lightening would yell and command it to hide in the clouds.

No light….not a single ray of it! Just like my life huh…held in the shackles of darkness. The nature was showing me a mirror image of my own emotions, ah! It was making fun of it. And it gave me the right to humiliate and mortify it without hurting my conscience. I was taking revenge though I knew I couldn’t hurt or harm the nature and The Almighty ruling it. But all I knew was that this vengeance could provide me some sort of relief.

But as more and more rain poured down on my apprehensive soul….I felt more and more relieved. My sense of anger started to disappear in the flow of the salty water on my skin. The rain drops in fact seemed to absorb my worries leaving my mind afresh. Now, I realized that how wrong I was in perceiving this rain as a tool to demean my condition by Almighty.

It wasn’t demeaning or mimicking me rather it was there to wash my tears. The droplets not only absorbed my sorrows but also brushed away my tears. My head was lighter and my soul was cleaned of all the tensions I had.
May be that is how a difference of perception can alter the way we perceive Almighty’s blessings. This is how God sends us angels and we consider them demons.

‘I agree that sometimes it’s so difficult to understand what God has chosen for you. But whatever it is….it’s the best for us’

True Colors Will Bleed!

Look at your eyes … do you see the greed that insinuates your inner lust? 

Those hands you wash everyday…but you can’t run away from the stains of the horseplay which reminds you of your enmity!

Don’t you feel the burden on your shoulders?…..it’s the burden of your guilt which forces you to taste the blame for your sheer insatiability!

It’s difficult to walk the distance anymore….coz your feet are heavy with the hostility.

We count the moments we spend by adding the successes and subtracting failures. The colorful spectrum of life is translated and transformed in the shades of black and white through the lens of our animosity. Continue reading

Intensity of Passion can exterminate your Soul…

Let not the coldness, sharpness or stiffness of a person fool you…every person, either as sharp as a brutal knife or as fragile as block of sand, has an inspirational figure in his or her life. This figure not only inspires him to breathe and live rather it can explain the meaning of life to him without saying a word. Mere presence of this figure leads to a surge of motivation, an electrical surge to stand up for whatever his motives are.

Some might assess this as a figure who is your partner in life but I would strongly negate this fact. It could be anyone, anyone from your mother to your neighbor, from your wife to your paper boy…anyone who inspires you to live and feel the soul within you!

But when the inspiration ignores your existence or doesn’t acknowledge your feelings…. it hurts. Have you ever imagined a scenario where this enlightening being not only ignores rather brutally negates your emotions?

You’re so helpless when your admiration is perceived as a source of pain & your expressions considered as cold as the frozen dead body kept in the refrigerator since its presence can terrify the near ones!!!

In the beginning you try and try harder to rectify and appease the situation but alas! Every attempt you make renders another mistake which is bigger….. Till, a time comes when all your efforts and hopes are crushed like rusty leaves crushed by ruthless pedestrians!

Why people see the expressions on your face or take your coldness as hatred? Why the world belittles the meanings behind small gestures?

They all can see the unemotional nature of a person but can’t understand the intensity of passion underneath that! Some people born with the inability to express are also born with the ability to love someone to the extreme… but why they exaggerate the former and ignore the latter!

One can survive if it’s the world who misinterprets your coldness as hatred….but the soul fades away if it’s the one who inspires you!